last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
