some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
