We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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