He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
