i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
