i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
