see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize