I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
