none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My pussy is not your playground.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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