3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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