I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
