I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
