i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
