Apparently you make a good broom.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
