Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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