i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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