I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
