im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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