Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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