the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Sorry my hands just texted you
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
