thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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