I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
