Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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