Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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