I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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