he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
