Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
