We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
