I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
