Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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