dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
false alarm. still invincible.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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