you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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