they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
