yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
