After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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