im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
