I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
