I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
