Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
