so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
