just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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