Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
