So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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