I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I need to align my fucking chakras
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
