My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
