dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There r osticjed everywhere
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
