I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Text me some of your sweat
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
