saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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