Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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