My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
This toilet bowl is my home.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
