my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize