i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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