What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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