You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
