batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My vagina is officially offended.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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