Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
