Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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