Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
