why didn't you poke me back
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I wear drunk well.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
