At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
