Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
