i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
