why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
tell your sister to shave her snatch
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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