I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
