She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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