I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
