How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
