I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Rumble strips road head = magical
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
