Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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