Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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