I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
